Never let your fear decide your fate.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tired and Bitter...Enjoy

Dear Girls Who Just Got Your Braces Off,
We get it. Stop taking so many webcam pictures. They're just teeth.

Dear Snow,
I like you, but only as a friend. It's not me, it's you. You're freaking cold.

Dear Dementors,
You're not helping the melting of the snow. Sirius isn't around. You can go back to Azkaban.

Dear any Youtube video at 0:00 press left then press up,
Thank you.

Dear Unknown Caller That Has Called Me 6 Times,

Dear Knock Knock Jokes,
Just like Justin Timberlake, I'm bring you back, sexy.

That last one made no sense.

Dear Kool-Aid,
Mystery powder, a big man breaking things and being way over excited...are you sure you are not Kool-Krack?

Oh, yeah.

Dear Michael Jackson,
Sucks being a pedophile in hell, doesn't it?

Good heavens. Sorry about that last one. Except not at all.

Dear Tequila,

Dear Emily,
Hypocrite, you've never had tequila...

Dear Girl Who Like To Make Youtube Channels,
Get back in the kitchen.

Dear Girl Who Makes Sexist Jokes About Women,
Emily, you are so dumb.

Dear Gingers,
Ha! Suckers.

Dear Harry Potter in the 2nd Movie,
YO! SPOILER ALERT. Scabbers in the guy who killed you parents, practically. KILL HIM

Dear Society,
Sorry, Snooki was meant to be put in the trash pile. I guess that's the same as Jersey.
Sincerely, Oompa Loompas.

Dear Twitter,
Why? I just...Why?

Dear Emily,
You tard nugget, you have a twitter.

Dear Old Emily That Used To Be Able To Quote Things and Be Funny,
It's not funny anymore.

Dear Emily Still Saying Dear,
That's not funny either.

Funny Fail
Check out It will make you, like, lol... furreallz.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Monday, January 10, 2011


All Emo kids know each other.

All Homeschooled kids know each other.

Wanna know how I know that?
I spend my time facebook stalking my homeschooled and emo friends MUTUAL friends, instead of making my OWN friends.

All facebook stalkers have dumb conclusions.

Funny quotes that may or may not be from me:

"My dad told me that most comedians have had terrible life situations, and that is why they are so funny. And since my life is fairly good, I might have trouble being a good comedian. So, I killed him."

I dread the days when I liked Twilight. Face palm. -_-

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Oh, the places you'll go

Chiefs Game.

A few things:

#1. It is perfectly okay to scream at the top of your lungs. No one cares. Even if you're making ridiculous noises like a cow, or Eminem, no one cares.
#2. If you use crude language, or lewd behavior you can risk expulsion from the stadium.
#3.Cheerleaders told us that, but I think their outfits were lewd enough to risk expulsion. Very hoe bag.
#4. Without realizing it...I was "Cheesed".


Imagine me, sitting in my peacoat, trying to stay warm. I am watching Matt Cassel become a Raider Sandwich with extra suck. When all of the sudden, I hear a shriek.

"OH NO!"

I turn around. Chips. Orange Goop (I refuse to call it cheese). All over the concrete floor.

Now, this makes me laugh. Because...come on. This lady just dropped $8 nachos.

I'm not sure if it was my rude outburst, or if she was just the most inconsiderate person in the world...BUT...My sister looks at my back, and there is a big glob of orange goop.

Not only did this lady refrain of letting me know she just "cheesed" me, she continued to stare at her mess, without cleaning it up.

How hard is it to run to the bathroom, and grab paper towels?

Also, how hard is it to tell a fellow Chiefs fan that you just CHEESED them?

Ten minutes later, an Arrow Head staff member had to come clean it up.

I didn't have the heart to ask him to wipe my coat off with his wet shammy.

Instead, I asked him to have it dry-cleaned, pressed, and returned before half-time.

There was a sign in the lawn at the Drug Rehab center that read, "Keep Off the Grass".

And as promised...

  • FAIL

Don't expect another post for a while.
School starts on Wednesday.

^That's what I feel on the inside.


Saturday, January 1, 2011

This should be fun.

My new years resolution? To dedicate this blog to hilarity. No more epiphanys. No more helpful insights. It's funny from here on out.

Get excited.

It will include:
Funny Things In the Life of Emily
Awkward Moments
Fail Blog Pictures.

Oh, yeah.

2011 Blog is gonna rock.